Friday, December 4, 2009

This is the first of a bunch of posts that are just reposts of things I said on  a message board once. These are not well edited and I don’t care.

When I was a bit younger, my Dad was an instructor at an Agricultural college in butt fuck nowhere (technically a place called Burdekin Australia, which is in the north east part of the country) - A redneck hell hole. They fairly regularly did 2 week short courses on various stuff farmers might need to know. Butchery, cattle midwifery, small motor repair, sheep shearing, and of course - demolitions (and a bunch of other shit I don't remember). Its more or less standard that pranks will occur when you gather a large number of yokels into a relatively small space with lots of high explosives and large stupid animals. One year the butchery instructors had played a prank on the demolitions guys - by stuffing several car exhaust pipes with sections of cow intestine, fresh from the cow. So the demolitions guys got a little revenge - they threaded about 240' of cow intestine with det cord (courses on rendering a live cow into steaks produces a lot of excess offal), and strung it in the tree line, about 25 feet up surrounding the butchery instruction area (Classes were done outdoors mostly - no indoor space). During the classes lunch break - they detonated the cord sequence. If you've ever played with det cord - you can set timing and direction of the blast when you detonate. The blast was directed down and towards the middle of the very large instruction area. The contents of 240' of cow intestines, and the majority of the intestine tissue covered literally everything, and everyone in the immediate area. I cannot describe the horrific nature of 20 or so guys, holding sandwiches and cups of coffee, surrounded by tables and butchers saws and knives and shit - covered in half cooked, half digested cow shit and cow intestine. When you make farmers on a butchery course puke - you know you've done well.